Hi friends,

If I'm honest, I'm not really in the mood to write a Christmas/New Year's update this year. It feels difficult to confront the reality of so much joy and grief at the same time (and impossible to do without tears). 

But I do find that writing it all out is a good way to process - to remember the light and beauty that exists alongside the terrible stuff. So here we are.

I'm going to pull a page from my husband's book and start with a few numbers!

Weddings attended (including ours): 3

Months dating: 5

Months engaged: 4

Months married: 3

Backpacking trips taken: 11

Miles of Colorado Trail hiked: 106

Weeks of summer camp: 8

Laundry baskets used to contain my dear husband's clothes: 6

Backpacking Trips taken:

February: Lake Angelus Hut trip in NZ with Kiki

April: Canyonlands with Paul and Joan, Escalante trip with Justin and Emily

May: Canyonlands pack-rafting trip

June: Weeknight trip on the plateau, Curecanti Rec Area pack-rafting trip

July: Highland Mary Loop with Justin & Emily, Birthday weekend trip near Molas Pass

August: 100 miles of the Colorado Trail (Waterton Canyon to Breckenridge)

November: Cedar Mesa trip

December: Gunnison Gorge overnight

The beginning of the year started off with a big celebration - the wedding of our friends Rob and Catherine! It was a joy to stand up with them and see them start their lives together, especially since the three of us spent so much time together as a staff team for Seeds Wilderness Therapy. Kevin was a great help at the wedding too, assisting their wedding planner with arranging blue spruce along the tables (ouch). 

January and February for me featured running several Skis for Kids programs on Grand Mesa with many 4th grade classes.

But my real excitement in February was heading to New Zealand for a ten day trip with my dear friend, Kiki. We had a blast road tripping across both islands, hiking, and visiting lots of Lord of the Rings film locations.

In March, both Kevin's parents and mine came for a long weekend visit. Unfortunately, my dad's eye (that was still recovering from surgery) got extremely infected and they had to cut the visit short. Even so, it was really nice for our parents to meet and to see a little Colorado beauty.

Kevin's car was also totaled in March - an impaired driver veered off the road and plowed into the line of cars in front of his apartment. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured. But we headed back to Salt Lake to purchase a replacement car. 

In April, we enjoyed some fantastic desert trips with friends in Utah. It sure is nice to live within driving distance of fantastic shoulder season backpacking! 

Near the end of May, Kevin and I went for a hike up on the Colorado Trail near Molas Pass, reprising the hike we took the first time we met. I knew Kevin was going to propose in the near future, but I was totally not expecting it when he pulled out the ring and got down on one knee on that hike. It was the perfect full-circle moment.

With summer came a busy season at work, featuring lots of fun camp activities and a tired Steph. I earned my stripes as a camp director, calling parents and managing some difficult and draining situations. But overall, the summer was full of great fun. I planned and led a weeklong camping trip on Grand Mesa with six middle school aged girls with Catherine as my co-lead.

Kevin and I even checked off a fun goal - a WEEKNIGHT backpacking trip up on the Uncompahgre Plateau. It felt awesome to wake up in my sleeping bag and then get to work on time on Friday. We also enjoyed a few campouts with friends over the summer!

Our friends the Ecks came to visit us in July, and we had a glorious time catching up while riding the steam train from Durango to Silverton and back.

In the midst of our full summer, Kevin and I faithfully checked off wedding planning tasks. We both agreed that event planning is NOT something either of us desire to pursue in the future. But the thought of celebrating our marriage with family and friends kept us going. 

In August, I got a promotion at work and stepped into the Director of Programs role. I'm still thankful as ever for the amazing team of people I get to work with at the Nature Connection. You can look at our annual report to see how we impact our community HERE.

We managed to sneak in a full week reprieve from the planning on the Colorado Trail. It was so great to get quality time together before the wedding. Hiking from Waterton Canyon near Denver all the way to Breckenridge was a great way to whet our appetite for the remainder of the Colorado Trail. We hope over the next several years to complete it in sections.

And finally, we made it to the wedding! Our day was absolutely beautiful, and just what we had hoped. We said our vows and celebrated with our people, eating barbecue together, playing lawn games, and enjoying reconnecting with dear friends and family from near and far. 

We couldn't have known that almost exactly 24 hours after our ceremony, that my dad would no longer be with us. But God knew and was looking out for us.

I got a call from my brother around 7am letting me know that Dad had a severe brain bleed in the early morning and that it didn't look good. To say it was an utter shock would be an understatement. Other than his eye problems, Dad was seemly healthy.

We gathered with my family at the hospital and wept. We played worship songs, prayed, and were comforted by so many friends. Evan Howard, our officiant at our wedding and a longtime friend of my parents, was there with us when Dad went to be with God. Looking back, if it hadn't happened so soon after the wedding, we likely wouldn't have gotten to be together for these sacred last moments on earth with Dad. 

So many people showed up for us in our grief. We got countless messages of support and offers of meals and help. My coworkers stepped up and covered all my programs. We headed home for the funeral service in October. It was truly a beautiful celebration of Dad's life.

Kevin and I reminded ourselves quite a bit that we needed to let ourselves fully feel the joy of being married alongside the sorrow of losing my dad. It can feel unfair that we really never got to revel in that joy purely by itself. But it is still very much there and continuing to grow. Being married has been a beautiful comfort amidst the pain, and we have loved getting to make our home together and start our own traditions and rhythms of life.

In November, we snuck in a quick trip to Cedar Mesa - my first time exploring the beautiful canyons there.

We hosted Thanksgiving at our place and welcomed in other friends with family far away.

December has brought much family time, and we are looking forward to a Disney Cruise with my whole side of the family in February.

It's been difficult feeling my dad's absence this season and realizing that there was so much we still had plans for that we'll never get to do with him. I never know when a memory or a thought will spark a fresh round of tears.

The end of this year does not tie up neatly in a bow. I don't think I've ever known grief so intimately as I have this year. We continue to miss Dad, even has we know we will see him again. We will keep remembering the hope we have in Jesus and hugging each other tightly. After all, hope shines the brightest when it's the darkest.

John 1:5

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

May your new year be full of the light of Christ!

Love,

Steph "Calzone" DeVries